The Oscar Wilde Society are pleased to announce that Maarten Asscher has won the fifth Wilde Wit competition! He receives the new book from Kate Hext, Wilde in the Dream Factory: Decadence and the American Movies (which is reviewed in The Wildean 66). Here is Maarten’s winning entry, read by our hon. president, Gyles Brandreth.
This year’s contest, co-sponsored by The Oldie, Chap and the Decadence Research Centre at Goldsmiths University, drew more than 500 entries, the most ever, each crafted to sound like something Oscar himself might have said. The Oscar Wilde Society committee determined the shortlist and the members voted to determine the winners.
Second place went to Nick Symondson:
Nick wins a copy of Articles from The Woman’s World, Edited by Oscar Wilde, the 2024 book produced by the Oscar Wilde Society and edited by Eleanor Fitzsimons.
Simon Scarratt won third place:
Simon, who scored third prize last year as well, wins a year’s membership in the Oscar Wilde Society.
A new award was chosen by Darcy Alexander Corstorphine, who won the first three editions of the competition and was then requested to retire from participation by the Oscar Wilde Society committee, to give others a chance! (He has since joined said committee.) The first Darcy’s Choice award goes to Amalia Dolores:
Amalia also wins a year’s membership in the Oscar Wilde Society.
Here are the entries that made the shortlist, which was determined by the committee.
“A gentleman should never prioritise his health; time and age will soon enough do that for him.” Phil Wilde
“Age is the number we give to our indiscretions.” Simon Scarratt
“All that glitters can be sold.” Stephen Goodman
“Beware the man waving the largest palm leaf on Sunday: by Friday he will be supplying the hammer and nails.” Tony Bennett
“Caring about others should be done with as little sympathy as possible.” Mitch Mulroy
“Democracy would never get my vote.” Barry Gilbertson
“Don’t fish for compliments in a sea of indifference.” Frank Annable
“Everyone has character; the question is, which one?” Robert Eddison
“Fortune favors the knave.” Stephen Goodman
“He took to it like a brick to water.” Neil Horsburgh
“I can defend anyone’s opinions — provided that I agree.” Wilma Veijonen
“I don’t think I know him well enough to dislike him yet.” Christopher Stephens
“I have lost so much sleep worrying about my insomnia.” Harley Carnell
“I would have to be an absolute philistine to not be a narcissist.” Harley Carnell
“In vino inebrietas.” Nigel Barley
“It is human nature to deny human nature.” Simon Scarratt
“Marriage is to sex what tax is to wages.” Nigel Barley
“Men want women their wives can never be. Women want men their husbands never were.” Tadzio Koelb
“Money is not the root of all evil. It is the flower.” Nigel Barley
“My approval of something is greatly increased by the disapproval of others.” Wilma Veijonen
“My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with the facts.” Gerry Rose
“Nowadays you can have anything delivered but the truth.” Cara Saul
“The biggest mistake one can make is to be found out.” Wilma Veijonen
“The countryside is merely the distance one is forced to travel between towns.” Robert Eddison
“The finest map ever made is no match for a thick fog.” Martin Brown
“There’s no point being humble if no one is looking.” Roger Foote
“To be really green you must have a lot of gold.” Brian Mitchenere
“We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking for our keys.” Neil Horsburgh
Congratulations to this year’s witmasters! And thank you to the 100+ people who entered this year — we enjoyed your stylish submissions.
Want More Wilde?
If Wildean wit tickles your fancy, consider joining the Oscar Wilde Society, where members explore the many sides of Wilde through events, performances and regular publications.
Society events include:
- Lectures, readings and discussions
- Visits to places associated with Wilde
- An annual lunch in Oxford
- An annual Birthday Dinner in London
Members also receive three publications, including our peer-reviewed journal The Wildean, which contains original research and articles by Wilde scholars and experts.
Learn more on our membership page.